Parent-sitting with Love

Laurie Richards recently released her first self-published solo project. Richards wanted to learn how to self-publish, so she took an online class. The class emphasized writing without having to do a lot of research. What did she know a lot about, that she could write on?
Back in 2020, Richards came home for a visit. She had been living in the Washington, D.C. area for several years. She planned to stay for 6 weeks. She wanted to visit her parents. But also, she explained, at the time our area was safer in regard to having fewer active Covid cases.
Richards came out for her visit, then decided to stay. She wanted to help out her parents as best she could. She moved in with them, then bought a house in town. She owned her own business, which she was able to conduct via computer. This gave her some freedom. After she had decided to stay, she order a no-contact move. All her stuff was sent to her new place in Redfield.
Richards grew up outside of Redfield, but left after graduation. I never thought Id be back. she said. But, also, she said that there was nowhere else shed rather be right now.
When Richards was deciding what to write her book on, she looked to see what books were out. Other books about dealing with aging parents all seemed to focus on the self-care aspects of caregiving, she stated. It almost sounded like whining.
It didnt quite sound like what she was doing. Parent-sitting was the term she used. Sure, some caregiving was involved, but she didnt see it as a chore. She was glad to have the opportunity. This is the only time Im going to get with them. she said. She knew that not everyone gets the opportunity to spend time with their parents as they get older.
Richards wanted to share tips with others going through the same sort of thing. In her book, she referred to parent-sitting as being part of a profound shift. Seemingly suddenly, one goes from being taken care of by ones parents to looking after ones parents. Often, this happens when one is simultaneously looking after their own children.
Richards shared some statistics: According to a 2022 study from Fortune, 73% of Gen Xers would have to delay retirement; 55% would likely uncur debt taking care of their parents; 86% worry about having enough funds; and 40% had spent more than $40,000 supporting their parents.
She noted that she had lost work hours taking her parents to appointments, and helping them out. She estimated that she helped them out around 12 hours a week. When I go over to their house, its rarely for less than 3 hours. Richards said. She said that she always visits, as well as helps them out with chores. Some people stop and drop. It could be due to time constraints, or discomfort, but they quickly do what needs to be done, then leave. Of course, in some families, there are member who refuse to help out. Family dynamics come into play in situations like these. It can be difficult to move past them.
Richards called herself fortunate, stating that she and her parents had always gotten along wonderfully. It is still an adjustment, however, when parents start needing more help. Richards said I know a reason we get along so well is my mindset. I decided a long time ago to have a positive mindset. I look at it as: So what if Dad tells the same stories over and over, and we go to the same doctors appointments? She added: Why not take a side trip through a park, or go eat at a new restaurant, or at a favorite restaurant?
Two important tips: having patience, and letting Mom and Dad drive. (This wouldnt necessarily mean letting them actually drive the car). Richards explained I told them, Im Team Mom and Dad. They worked their whole lives to be able to do what they wanted. She noted that if shed tried a sterner approach, and taken charge, theyve dug their heels in.
I dont want to take away independence before I have to. she said. Some chores shed step in and do. For other things, like home maintenance, she would hire outside help. But for the other things, she would be in the background. She might gently remind them of bills coming due. She would attend doctors appointments, but led them lead. However, if something needed to be addressed and her parents werent bringing it up, she would.
As a communications specialist with her own business, Richards is allowed more freedom than some. But she still understands what it is like to be a working adult trying to make time to offer a little extra help to her parents.
She stated that her parents were proud of her for releasing her book, and Theyre proud of pretty much everything I do. She stated no regrets about moving back to town. She also emphasized that there are other family members who help out as well. It is not all on her shoulders.
Richards was pleasantly surprised at how well her book was received. Its touched a lot of people. She said, Its fascinating 90% of the people given a copy have a story of their own.
I see a Volume Two in the future. Richards added.